As the NFL season draws to a close, I have decided to leave you all with a gem for next season. Usually, I am clandestine as hell with my insights and knowledge, divulging information (and misinformation) to only a few trusted associates. However, being that I’m coming off the kind of wire-to-wire dominance that only the Post-Spurrier Gator’s can understand, I’ve decided to level out the playing field a bit by giving you all a leg up.

And so without further ado, I give you my 2008 Top 5 Fantasy Players

1: Tom Brady – QB – New England Patriots

Wow, really!? Thanks a ton dickhead. I bet this is what many of you are saying to yourself right now. Well go eat a dick. Brady is the first non-runningback in the past decade who is worthy of leading off a draft. This guy was a scoring machine this season, putting up more than 500 fantasy points in a standard league with standard bonuses, and even in the games where he didn’t dominate through the air (@Indy, Miami, @ Baltimore, Jets) he still did a more than admirable job of protecting the football.

So when you’ve got a guy with a ridiculous offensive line providing him with an offensive amount of time to locate the most talented receiving corps this side of Montana’s Niners (fuck the Rams bitch.) and a top ten pick coming on the heels of a Superbowl appearance, I’d say it’s safe to pass up on the RBs for a round.

2: Adrian Peterson – RB – Minnesota


Yeah I hear you guy’s screaming at the top of your lungs! He’s injury prone! He’s splitting carries! He’s not LDT! Fuck you guys man. There’s a reason that they call him Purple Jesus, ask my friends at KSK. So bear with me for a goddamn minute, and let’s take a closer look.

Peterson played in 14 games, and was shut down over the last two, with the Vikes collapsing and eschewing playoff competition. So in, effectively, 12 games, Peterson rushed for more than 1300 yards and 12 touchdowns! He did this while splitting carries with a runningback, recovering from a torn LCL in his knee, and hitting the proverbial rookie wall. He also broke the hundred yard mark six times, scored multiple tds four times, and broke 200 yards rushing twice!

This man runs behind the best run blocking line in the NFL, has a legit #2 back (provided the Vikes resign Chester Taylor) who can share the load, and NOT turn the ball over, and will only get better and stronger as he grows into his body (read: performance enhancers)

You skip on him because of his shoulder, or ankle, or knee…and I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank…AGAIN.

3: LaDainian Tomlinson – RB – San Diego

This guy is the most consistent force in the history of fantasy football. Two seasons ago he caught 100 passes, in addition to rushing for well over 1000 yards. Last season he broke an itty bitty TD record, crushing 30 TDs in the process, and this past season he led the NFL in both rushing and rushing TDs (and added another four TDs receiving and passing).

So what if he shows up about as big as pre-superbowl Peyton in big games, and who cares if he slaps and pushes people in the locker room after every big game. This is the closest that I have ever seen to a guy whose numbers can be set in stone.

Be aware that in my examination, it is extremelly rare for a runningback to produce more than three consecutive dominant years. Marshall Faulk, Priest Holmes, Stephen Davis, and many others have all conspired to collapse after three years due to a myriad of factors. While it is true that all three of these backs were significantly older than Tomlinson’s 28, it is a nagging issue in the back of my mind.

4: Randy Moss – WR – New England

Man what the fuck is this wide receiver doing in my top five?! This guy better be like Jerry Rice in hsi prime or some shit. People who take receivers in the first round, well they fucking lose! While all of the above is true, if you want this guy, you’re gonna hafta reach for him. I would take him over Brian Westbrook, Joseph Addai, Brandon Jacobs, Clinton Portis, Willis McGahee, and an entire fleet of wookies. Have you seen this unshaven bastard in his red hood!? He looks like a crackhead! I mean, I honestly believe that the man in the picture sells all kind of dope.

We saw Randy put up an NFL record, 23 TD receptions (sorry Jerry), and catch nearly 100 passes for nearly 1500 yards. No receiver has had a season like this ever (Rice never combined all three of these aspects at such high levels in a single year). There is no way that he will be able to match this past season’s output, but even considering a substantial drop off, let’s say 85 catches for 1200+ yds and 13+ TDs, you will be getting the best receiver, and most dangerous playmaker in the NFL.

5: Brian Westbrook – RB – Philadelphia

I reserve the right to alter this spot if Donovan McNabb gets traded, Andy Reid gets fired, or Jon Runyan retires. Westbrook is the new Tiki Barber. This guy is constantly all over the field, catching screens and breaking through into the second level, where he is always a threat to take it to the house.

Westbrook played in 15 games, and broke 100 yds of total offense in all but two. While his TD #s dropped this season (only 7 rushing TDs) his consistent production and immense share of the Eagle’s offense make him a no brainer in this spot. While his toughness and brittleness are always something to worry about, there is no fear of him losing production altogether as a result of the offense getting pass happy (Peyton Manning/Joseph Addai).

Plus Westbrook is often inserted as a punt returner in big situations, and in leagues that keep track of special teams touchdowns, this could boost you over the top in a big one.

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