Sex


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What they call this is a license to print money.

So I was bored tonight, beat after a tough day at work and evening at the gym. When I’m like this, and there ain’t sh*t on tv, I usually peruse the interwebs. Now I don’t necessarily do this like you regular people. I could hit up people’s facebooks, check out ESPN, check on the election, or even hit up my video game sites. That’s not what the internet is to me.

So I was frequenting one of the deepest darkest holes that exists on the web, when I ran into maybe the most entertaining thread I have ever seen.

It was dedicated entirely to fetishes.

Star Wars and Waffles Fetish

Now before you start judging me, don’t act so high and mighty. We all have some things that we really enjoy a little too bit. For me, my biggest fetishes are

1) Schoolgirls (outfit not age)

Schoolgirl

2) Asian Girls

Asian Gal

3) Asian Schoolgirls

Asian School Gal

Well in reality, I guess only one of those is a fetish…but whatever you get my drift.

Now there are your normal fetishes that are, while a bit embarrassing, generally practiced. Fetishes like bondage, athletic women, or women in fights are really just kinky preferences…but that ain’t what the thread I saw was about.

bondage.jpgboxing-fetish.jpg anime-chick-fight.jpg

No the things that I saw chilled me to the core. I nearly hesitate to share them, but information is power in this day and age. You have got to be aware of what sorts of sick things people are capable of in this great country of ours, and across the globe.

Things like eating cats: eating-cats.jpg

or zombie women chasing eggs over ice: curling-fetish.jpg

and of course we’re all aware of the dangers of being a Weaslophile ron-weasly-fetish.jpg

So the next time that perfect guy scoops you up, sets the mood right, and gets you to trust him. Make sure you run a background check just to make sure you aren’t dating an ASIANNURSEBONDAGEWEARINGGLASSESANDPANTYHOSEANDSHOWINGFEET

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If you’re going to send flowers to your girl at her office, keep in mind that several popular floral companies leave the personalized card visible on the outside of the box.

…which means that a card proclaiming: “I hope you recover from the typhoid soon!”– even if the card was simply referencing an inside joke between the two of you- will be seen by everyone in the mail room and everyone on her floor.

* I actually thought this was funny, and if he didn’t live in Miami, he WOULD get laid tonight. However, I assume most women would not be so amused.

Ménage-a-Trois Fantasy Draft hosted by the Mel Kiper Jr (Sans the hair), of Ménage A Trois Cleophus!

Are there Sexier Picks then mine, YES? Would someone have a different list, OF COURSE! But this is my BLOG so I put up what i want to put up! These are the women in order, I would love to have a Ménage-a-Trois with…

Welcome to the 2008 Ménage-a-Trois Fantasy Draft:

#10… Sally Richardson & Pam Grier (Mother daughter / Cougar Division)
This pick unites multiple generations of Black men — those from the 70’s thru 90’s. . Between the two of them they have had sex with Many Black stars of the past… Jim Brown (mother) Deion Sanders (Daughter).
#9… Laura London & Cassie (Fucked Puffy Division)
Laura London grew on me after the Movie ATL… Her BFF Cassie can’t sing a lick but I am sure she knows how to lick, it’s the only logical explanation for how she got a record deal. It is on public record that Puffy has Fu#ked the both of them..

#8… Michelle Rodriquez & Claudette Ortiz (City High) (Rice and Beans Division)
This is my all Latina pick of the draft. Michelle is not the sexiest Latina out there but there is something about her I love. I heard she only dates women but hey that adds to the fun of the hunt… I love girls who are in great shape plus she is tough as nails. She would enjoy me throwing her around the bedroom a little. Claudette Ortiz is like Rap music on my I-Touch, a throw back to the 90’s. I loved this chick in High school and she will never leave my heart, if she comes to Harlem I’ll get her City High!

#7… Paula Patton & Janet Jackson (Bi Chicks into S & M who do Coke)…
What you know about my COKE/S&M division. Paula does WHITE LINES, common knowledge, hell, her husband wrote a song about it. She is also bi (perfect for my draft)… Janet, is a freak! She would have been a top 5 pick but she dates JD (Lil Turd) and well she had to lose points for that.

#6… Allyson Felix & Serena Williams (I Want the condom to break so they can have my child division)… I am an advocate of safe sex however, in this case I want to go raw, in hopes to pull a “Tom Brady” and impregnate them both. Allyson is a multi-medal Olympian who is as fast as the wind and has a sexy body. Serena has a butta face but her body is sick and the the thought of bouncing quarters off her a$$ is too much to pass on. These two ladies are Physical specimens that will allow me to have a super athletic son. He would be a real life Universal Solider. Combining their DNA and my knowledge of sports, my sons will be First Round Draft picks in some sport!

#5… Jessica Alba & Jessica Biel (WHITE castle Division) This one would piss off Middle America. I would film this intense 3 way action, buy a bottle of Viagra and wear these young ladies out until the cows came home. The 4 hour film of hardcore action would make me millions on the web. White folks would be more upset at me then Obama winning the election. (Maybe not that mad)

#4… Angelina Jolie & Kim Kardashian (Freaks of Hollywood)
Angelina is just sexy and documented freak who likes to have sex with women. Kim Kardashian is a freak and likes to film her self having sex. This is a win win situation.. Angelina use to have a romper room in her house for crazy sexual encounters. Kim would have had a higher score but she slept with brandy’s lil brother. *BRANDY’s lil Brother*

#3… Gabrielle Union & Melinda Williams (best friends make best Ménage Partners division) This is my COCO night of love. These two young ladies have sexy chocolate skin and I have some Milk waiting for them. Thousands of kids will die from their stomach acid on this night of passion.

#2… Rosario Dawson & Alicia Keys (Two girls from the LES Division) Both girls are from the LES in NYC… I think I would have Alicia play the Piano while Rosario and I get the night started… I can see the weed smoke billowing in the back ground to give Rosario a flashback of KIDS and then have Alicia Keys rock her outfit from Smokin’ Ace’s and get the party started. Sorry I had to go 2 the bathroom, just the thought of this got me a little too excited!

#1… Halle Berry & Beyonce Knowles (Number 1 on every Black man’s list, except for David Justice, Wesley “I ain’t paying Taxes” Snipes, Spike Lee!
One’s part deaf/crazy the other wears crazy wigs/weaves, but I love them both. What man would not want to be in this situation? The Grand Master of the KKK wouldn’t even turn down this combination. Money, power, beauty– it’s the ultimate combination. It’s like having a team with Jordan & Magic, Barry & Emmitt, Ruth & Bonds, Frosted Flakes & Milk… You just can not beat this combo… How much would you pay to see this threesome on Video? I don’t care if I look like Shrek, people would pay 500 dollars to see this Ménage in action. Obviously while filming this action packed film I would throw up the ROC just to see how it feels to be Jay-Z for a nut!

HONORABLE MENTION… I have no idea who this girl is but she is my Sub Alternate!

She is my Ace up the sleeve!!!! She is like Tony Romo, an undrafted free agent who will become a star.

237
Number of reasons people cite for having sex, according to a new University of Texas at Austin study. Reasons include “It seemed like good exercise” and “The person was a good dancer”
4
Percentage of U.S. adults who have never had sex
Source: Time Magazine
According to the article there are four main factors for sexual behavior: Physical, Goal-based, Emotional, and Insecurity-based. These reasons varied from “I wanted to say Thank you”, or “It’s exciting”. to “I was bored” or “I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”.
Did you just pause right there?
Were you like, “oh shyt, thats a grimy muthasucka”?
Yes, it is, cause people suck (pun intended).
The sad truth is, not everyone enjoys sex, and there are people walking around thinking their sex is the bomb-diggity, when in actuality their partner would rather have a V-8.
Take a second and think about why you have sex, if you have sex.
Is your partner always satisfied?
Do you care?
Some men have failed stroke-a-nomics 101, and some women have fallen victim to the No-flex sex disease. Don’t let missionary be your downfall.

Talk about sex! Communication is the key to any good orgasm.
If you’re unsure about your personal tastes (pun?) try some pineapple for flavor, some strawberries for kink…

Go forth, be fruitful, but please don’t multiply. Wrap it up, it’s the law!

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