Why didn’t you call ME, Barack?

To refresh your memory on “No Dew Nor Rain”:


Just for old times sake…last hulu post for the day I promise.

Vodpod videos no longer available. from posted with vodpod


Vodpod videos no longer available. from posted with vodpod

Steven Seagal’s guitar playing could make a wolverine purr….

….His compassion could make Mother Theresa cry…..

…but his justice would make even the most hardened criminal shit his pants…..

Only one man is capable of inducing so many different reactions….that man….is Steven Seagal….

What they call this is a license to print money.

The single most bad-ass video game in the history of mankind, Contra changed the face of the side scroll run and gun shooter when it was first released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1987. The two main characters, influenced by Schwarzenegger’s character Dutch from Predator and Stallone’s Rambo character from First Blood, are faced against an alien faction known as the Red Falcon Organization. The heroes, named Bill Rizer and Lance Bean, are sent to a remote island off of Central America to eradicate the Red Falcon Organization before it can overwhelm the entire planet.
Once Bill and Lance land on the island they are faced with various alien forces. These alien forces include human-like foot soldiers, a giant long neck crazy mouth creature that spits out baked shrimp looking things, a flying chandelier that shoots out smaller more deadly chandeliers, a giant guy who leaps and changes color, gigantic eyes that shoot out deadly bubbles, a half building half alien with robotic arms that shoot, and a giant beating heart that shoots out huge spiders.

1987 was an exciting year to be a video game fan. The Nintendo Entertainment System was running on all cylinders when it released Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest. The sequel to the highly successful Castlevania, starring hero Simon Belmont, put an entirely new spin on the side scroll adventure game. Castlevania 2 added alot more strategy to what was basically a button mashing fest.

After defeating Dracula at the end of Castlevania, Simon Belmont is given a horrible curse that will kill him unless he can bring Dracula back to life. In order to bring the Prince of Darkness back Simon must find a number of Dracula’s items and body parts, which have been spread throughout Transylvania. Simon is faced with the unenviable task of fighting Dracula’s dark minions while searching for what is needed to revive Dracula, thus breaking the curse.

The background story was really cool but what a bitch this game was to beat. I have fond memories of the game now but when my sister and I played it back in the day it was frustrating as shit. The townspeople are all retarded and give you either ridiculously worded clues or completely wrong clues. Basically every town is filled with retarded liars. That makes finding the correct path almost impossible unless you buy one of those video game guides. I had to buy the guide because I couldn’t figure out what the hell to buy and then what the hell to do with it. At one point you come to a river that is impossible to jump. All you have to do is equip yourself with the red diamond, the eye of Dracula, the green cross, a rubber chicken, a fire whip, and holy water and a tornado scoops you up and takes to you Dracula’s castle. That’s all you needed to do? Why didn’t I figure out that combination on my own? Probably because it would take 15 god damn years to try every combination of items just in the hope of having a tornado pick you up. How the fuck would anybody even know that you needed a tornado to pick you up if they didn’t read it in a guide or Nintendo Power, they wouldn’t know that’s how. But i digress.

Like Contra before it, Simon’s Quest had some of the best music in video game history. As a 5 year old it would get pretty creepy when the game turned into night and they started to play the song “Bloody Tears”. Also like Contra, many of the song’s in Simon’s Quest have been redone in different styles. One of the best variations of “Bloody Tears” is by Jedi Mind Tricks presents Army Of Pharaohs.

All in all Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest is a fun game that has a really good story behind it. It got a bit frustrating at times but once you know what the hell you are supposed to do it all makes sense in the end.

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